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Coaching Leadership

How Do You Lose?

Winning is great! It’s an awesome feeling to come first, to see the reward for all your effort and to be recognised for your successes.

You aren’t going to win all the time. The more you are pushing and stretching, then the rarer those wins might be. So you need to think about how you handle losing, and how you can take those losses and make them positive experiences.

First up, check out your public response. What are you presenting to the world? Most of the time, even for something high stakes like a promotion, you’re winning or losing is in the context of a continuing relationship. Showing anger, complaining loudly or disparaging the winner are actions that are unlikely to be looked on favourably in that ongoing relationship. Think about losing gracefully, respecting the game and showing good spirit.

Remember, no-one ever overturned a referee’s decision by arguing with them in the heat of the moment!

Of course, that’s not to say that you won’t feel hard done by, that decisions were unfair or that someone won out on attributes that weren’t being measured in the ‘official’ rubrics. Take a breath, count to ten and complain in private if you have to! Then think about how you’ll drive some constructive change in the future.

Now you’ve covered that public response, the reflection and learning is the next, and most important, stage. Losing is a perfect opportunity to learn from your performance, to do even better next time.

What did you do well? What went badly? Was it a close run thing, or were you played out of the park? Get honest here, and use feedback or external sources to ensure that the honesty is true.

If you did well, then take heart from the experience. You are likely to just need to tweak some parts of your performance. Double down on some of your strengths and turn areas you were good, to places you can be great.

If you did less well, then it’s time for some deeper reflection. Did you really overreach yourself? Even so, what did you do well? Can you take those positives and build on them for the future? Is this an opportunity to set an intermediate goal and aim there next time?

Losing is the fastest teacher around, take the knock, dust yourself off and get back on with it to drive forwards to success!

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