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Coaching Leadership

Clashing Over the Obvious

One of the most difficult situations you can get into is an argument over something that is painfully and blindingly obvious to you.

It’s difficult because you are stuck in a gap of meaning. The argument is occurring because the other party doesn’t see why it’s obvious, but because it’s obvious to you, you are unlikely to be driving forwards with compelling reasons or attempting to add to the pool of meaning.

Classic ways to recognise this situation are:

  1. You are throwing around words like “obviously”, “clearly” or “plainly”
  2. The other party “don’t understand the value”, “don’t see why that’s the right option” etc
  3. You are thinking about “them”
  4. You’ve gone deep, and are into “What are these idiots doing?”

When you spot these patterns, you are falling into the Obviously trap. It’s hard to pull back, but you can do it. You need to pause, stop telling and start listening to the concerns of the other group. Give extra context or information that will help show why this course is obvious to you, and help them come to a deeper understanding.

Train yourself out of saying “obviously”, as it’s an invitation to end dialog, which means you aren’t going to get buy-in, and if you get your way, it’ll be grudgingly at best, rather than with enthusiastic efforts to be successful.

If you can get to a point where the other party are saying that your desired outcome is the obvious one, then you’ve done great work, sharing the meaning without telling them what to do.

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